You may have noticed that BCB is going somewhat slow with the postings. We are in the middle of doing some things that are life changing. Alot of things are changing for us and we are blessed for them. In the last month we have had to get another car, felt as if we have lost two good friends, faced disappointed with in our church(I am not attacking the church just hoped things would go a different way), found myself studying to get my first certification with-in the next 3 weeks (A+ here I come), and just little things that have swayed our course. We are blessed for all of the obstacles and blessing that life throws at us.
A good friend of mine is stepping down from teaching Sunday School. Today was his last day. It has been fun learning from him and growing with him. Today he delivered his last message as my teacher. He taught on what many know to be his favorite verse in the Bible. Revelation 3:16. While me and the wife were late as always, which lead to my being called aside for not being in my place at the door again, God had us come in at the right time. God does not always want you to hear everything. He does not always want you to see everything. He wanted me to come at the exact moment.
My friend was talking about flickering. As in candles that flicker. We as christians are called to be the light. He spoke of a friend of his that has all the right answers in church but once his friend was in the world you would never know. While I don't think he was talking directly about me I know that he was talking to me. I am flickering. At times I fear that I am dying. My faith is truly weak. Do I still have faith that God is supreme and has a plan for my life? Yes. I have never doubted that. Do I doubt that I am able to be what I am called to be? No, I believe that if I am called to be something I can be. I fear that I will fall and fall to no end. It seems hopeless at times. I see my sins and they haunt me. They push me to the point that I am ashamed to pray. I tell myself "Guess I have to go before God and confess this same sin again." I get this image of God shaking His head at me while mumbling,"Here we go again."
I have those days where I am not ashamed. Those are the days when I lift my hands in the car while listening to DC Talk. Not caring if anyone knows that I am praising God. Other days I would want to rip my bumper stickers off because I am ashamed that people will know I am Christian. Not because of what God has done but because of my failures. I hear them saying that I am just like all those other Christians. A hypocrite! Even more painful is the fact that they are right. I talk a good talk to some people throughout the week but I walk a drunken stumble. I am not saying that I drink but my walk with Christ is not a straight one. It must resemble that man who walks by the tracks. Swaying from one side to the other. At times falling down . Yet he gets up. Knees bloody, palms scoffed, and hoping that no one saw.
I don't want to flicker. I want to shine. No matter who you are at one point you have to realize that you will flicker. Everyone will have those days when their faith feels completely distant and strange. At the end of those days we have to make a choice. We have to pray for strength. Asking God to lead us in the right direction. Not looking back at the roads we have walked. To heal our bloody knees and to smooth our rough hands. God will do it but only if we put forth the effort. Make every effort to shine in the dark. If not it is a slippery slope that you will fall down until you do make the choice to reach for God.