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Thursday, August 30, 2007

Fight Fair-(from premarial counseling)

Okay so last night was the last session of counseling for me and my soon to be wife. We covered three subjects and instead of putting both into one post why not spread it out. The topics that were presented to us were fighting, right thinking, and sex. Well you can look at the topics and see why they would each need to be discussed. So for now we are going to do fair fighting.
What does it mean to fight fair? You hear this boxing and growing up may have heard it a little in school. So what does it mean to fight fair with your wife/husband? I means to fight for today. A fair fight is not a fight with things that happened yesterday, last week, last year, or anytime besides today. Alot of people have a mental set post-its and when ever something is said or done they will mark it down ad store it for later. We fill up the gun with has many bullets we can fit into it before the big fight. Why? We are asking for a big big fight.
When you husband or wife does something that is not all that likable to you(and they will) you have to address it that day or let it go. Now that doesn't mean that you have to fight in the middle of a restaurant. That means you should look them and say,"I know you love me but what you just said really hurt my feelings. When we go home we should talk about this."
It is not that hard to do. Most of the time it is habit to hold in our thoughts of how we feel. For us guys it is even tougher. We are suppose to be macho men! We have to realize that our women see us as their big softies. We should feel up that roll. Now don't worry guys they also see us as their rocks, protectors, and all that other strong guy stuff. They want you to be able to tell them what is bothering you and not do it in three weeks over her not filling up the gas tank. Women the huffing and puffing for two days doesn't help. We need to know what is going on with you. You have to let us when we hurt you. Don't get in front of us during Saturday's game and remind us of all our failed attempts to start home projects and then our personal faults.
Fighting should be fair and that means for us to fight about an event that happened today and not any other day. Let the bullets go. Your fights will be over a lot faster. There are tons of books on healthy fights. Go and read one some time. It will really help your marriage.

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