I Just Don't Know

Is God proud of me.I tell myself yes but at the end of most days when I look back on how I lived during the day. How could he be.I am inclined to say no. A confession of my sins and that is that on that. Yet it is sometimes hard for me to do it. I see my day and realize that I am just sorry in all ways. I ask God questions in prayers and I know that he hears. I read the Bible and learn what about His answers. The one part I struggle with is my forgiveness. I don't deserve and that is more true everyday. I lose my way and go about my own. I am judgmental and a lair, a killer and a thief. For my sins my best friend the Lord Jesus was beaten. The slapped his face, tore of His clothes, whipped him, laughed at Him, nailed Him to a cross. All of this and the world views it as no great loss. But where would we be with out the blood stained cross. I have nailed Him again atleast one dozen times today. I spit in face and left Him in shame. Yet He loves me enough to just let it go. Thats if I fall down and tell of of the things I do that do not polish His crown. I am sorry dear Lord I was lost then found then ran away. I promise to come home and with Him I will stay. It never really works out just that way. I keep running from you until you jerk the chain. i then come back with my head hanging low. I promise to do better but really I just don't know.